Advice for Ambiverts/Introverts Part 1: Balancing a need of Solitude with the Necessity of Connection

I like to think of myself as an introvert. I can easily interact with and build connections with others, but I am also prone to becoming drained when I am around others for too long. This reality is nothing out of the norm, and is common for ambiverts and introverts. Especially for ambiverts and introverts who live in extroverted societies, like the United States.

The downside of living in an extroverted society is that getting ahead requires frequent interaction. Work, school, home. Odds are that an ambivert/introvert’s space is almost always dominated by extroverts, and thus everyday interactions require the introvert to always be “on”. Not only does this reality drain your average ambivert/introvert, it may serve to also compromise their quality of life. Without adequate time to turn inward, ambiverts/introverts are prone to stress caused by over stimulation. In her book, “The Introvert Advantage”, Dr. Marti Olsen Laney details how dopamine response explains why introverts react more negatively to higher rates of stimuli than extroverts. Laney surmises that people who identify as introverts tend to need less dopamine to feel good than those who identify as extroverts (Laney.2002).

This notion helps to explain why an ambivert, introvert, and an extrovert may react to social situations differently. For example, during college I would sometimes go to high stimuli events and parties. My extroverted friends would be excited and motivated at these events by the opportunity to dance and meet new connections. At first, I would also be excited to attend these events, but after some time, my excitement would turn to exasperation. Feeling burned out, I would look for the nearest exit. Meanwhile, my more extroverted friends, seemed like they never wanted to leave.

This scenario is a good example of the differing ways ambiverts, introverts and extroverts respond to dopamine inducing high stimuli situations. In response to high dopamine scenarios, some introverts become more reclusive and retract within themselves. However, in an extroverted world, this defense mechanism can also be damaging.

A quick response/hello to your professor, co-workers, peers may be viewed as an innocent exchange by your average ambivert/introvert. But to an extroverted professor, boss, or coworker, it may make the introvert seem impersonal, unapproachable, and “not a team player”. The good news is that avoiding this categorization can be as simple as going to lunch with your team now and then, and extending two sentence conversations to at least five to seven. I know what some of you reading may be thinking, “Why should I have to change who I am?”. However, I would argue that being more “extroverted” on your time can actually be an efficient method to preserve your energy.

For example, if you have a supervisor that always wants to connect, instead of depending on a reactive response of “fake this conversation until it ends”, you can say something like “Man, that sounds so crazy, I’d love to hear more about it later this afternoon!”. Or, “That is a wonderful idea, can we talk about it over lunch soon?”. Now you have effectively scheduled your next interaction, preserved your energy, and maintained a positive connection!

As an introvert/ambivert, it can be hard to compromise the need to decompress. However, there are some effective methods on the internet that can truly help you become more efficient at balancing your need for solitude while maintaining relationships.