I remember going to the store one day to shop for jeans. I had always prided myself on the way my body was shaped, and how lucky I was to have inherited it. But, something was different this time when I tried on a pair of pants. They didn’t quite hug me the way I was accustomed to them doing. Instead of the sleek cohesive shape that I’m used to seeing when staring at myself in a dressing room, I saw a young woman that I had never laid eyes on before. Her face was too full, her arms and shoulders to wide, and her stomach was too round. Realization hit that I was that young woman in the mirror and I began to cry.
Before my meltdown in that dressing room I had been able to successfully keep myself in a state of denial about my weight. I would stuff myself with gummy bears, fast food, etc., and say to myself, “You’re fine, just go to the gym and eat better tomorrow.” Tomorrow never came and it seemed the more I stopped going to the gym the more unhealthy I ate. Only when I truly saw the effects of my unhealthy dietary and fitness habits did I realize that I was on the road to slow death.
It wasn’t what I saw in the mirror that made me break, it was knowing the consequences of failing to take care of myself. I thought about my diabetic Uncle who’s consistent denial of his weight condition allowed him to balloon beyond 300 pounds. I thought about my mom’s friend who’s uncontrolled dietary habits have doctors fighting to keep her diminishing eyesight. That’s who I saw when I looked in that mirror. I knew, at that moment, that if I didn’t find a way to permanently incorporate healthy eating and fitness into my daily life that would become my reality.
This realization happened awhile ago, and although I’ve had some setbacks, I don’t see myself turning back. I’m motivated by the future. A future in which I wake up and see a picture of health and longevity. This is what makes my weight loss feel so real this time.
ModBlackFemme 